Me on His Thoughts about Baby No.3

Yeah. So. Um…I truly and wholeheartedly think The Dude is full of it. Some times I want to think he’s not the person he is turning into but I have my doubts.

I can dig his whole family thing but I don’t get the part where the baby forces him out the door. He tells me I will be there if you do not have but if you do I am 99.9 percent not going to be there. Seriously, dude. He has gotten a shock and is running scared a baby or no baby he’s gone. Therefore, I am making a decision to be pregnant and alone (this is heavy, literally).

I think he does NOT want to mess up his frequent flier single guy thing. He’s really just a major slut when I think about things. His M.O. is to keep women that are educated, career focused, and cute on deck. No women really wows him so he moves around. Him spending time with me was just that his time with me. In actuality, I should of had some other “players” on my team.

Him wanting a family may be true but he is an emotional mess. The baby will not under any uncertain terms change him. The Dude will continue to do him (meaning not change until he sees fit). I think children can grow up in loving environments without two parents as long as both parent are responsible. At the root of things, I think he’s confused.

I also think that I have been played. He was in control of everything up until this point. Me choosing to have a baby he can’t control (unless…let’s not think like that). The only logical thing I can think is that he thought I would get an abortion but you cannot make reckless decisions thinking you can fix them in the morning. An abortion is not birth control (at least not to me).

Him walking out is his way of controlling the situation. Under the line of thinking that she will reconsider. He feels like he is being forced to be a dad again, and I feel like I am being forced to get an abortion. I could see if we compromised but we are polar opposites on this issue.

It’s week 6. I feel like crap. And he is acting like a douche.

Me on Abortion

I guess I know a few people that have gotten an abortion. I know people really close to me that have gotten a couple, some several, others a few, and a hand full only one.

My parents were married for 17 years and my father wanted a little tribe. Pops wanted 12 kids and mom was dumb enough to consider it. Pops was in the military and stayed away on 6 month floats. In turn, my mom had 4 abortions while married. My father ended up being a whoremonger and leaving us any way (my mom would of been stuck with 7 kids to raise). She has made mention that she thinks about each child and where they would be in life. And told me that it (i.e. an abortion) won’t get rid of your problem because you still live with it.

My other friends have said the similar things. At heart,  in retrospect it is not worth it. I am not saying that cold sweats, nightmares, depression, or things like that will happen. I am a firm believer in living with the decision you make.

O.K.! Yes, I have two kids. Yes, I had them in college. Yes, I finished college. But am I the doctor I wanted to be? No. I chose to have my babies instead of medical school. I still went on to graduate school but life has taken me down a different path. Of course, I would definitely be better off as a doctor but I felt confident that I could still be a success with my children. If I could do it over again, maybe I would have been on birth control.

Women/girls have abortions for different reasons. I have a friend that has had two. The first abortion because the guy ran out on her. The second because they decided together to do it. But the second guy left because he couldn’t believe they actually got an abortion. I have another friend, different friend, that got one because she thought she could not make it through grad school with two kids. She made a very practical decision and I cannot argue with that.

Up until this point, I have not gotten an abortion because: 1) I believe in karma, 2) I live with the decisions I make, and 3) I think I can still be sucessful. There’s no doubt that kids delay things but you can still get things done.

I don’t hate on a women for choosing an abortion sometimes it is the most practical thing.But having an abortion doesn’t necessarily change a persons sexual behavior. I am like first abortion, okay. Second abortion, what are you doing?  Third abortion, seriously.

His Thoughts on Baby No.3

I finally got a call from The Dude. He really spelled out why not to have the baby. It makes a lot of sense from his perspective.

He wants a family that is understandable. He wants to be there picking the child up from school and they go home together. He wants to be in the same household as the child. He wants to supercede how he has been as a father in the past. He already has 3 children out-of-wedlock and doesn’t want to continue along this path. His youngest child just turned 15 years old. This makes me wonder how many abortions has The Dude had. I asked him, “how many abortions have you had in the last 15 years?” He response: I don’t know. You want me to tell you if I’ve been responsible. Yes, I’ve been very careful.  My thoughts: Really?

He explains to me that it’s not about the money (i.e. child support) rather raising a child in a loving environment. It has nothing to do with me being “good enough” but the fact I have other children keeps him from wanting the baby. If I did not have other children, we could have the marriage and the child. But he does not want to deal with  or be attached to my B-Diddy drama. He says he has been there in life and wants to do things differently. 

Honestly, I cannot agrue with this line of reasoning. He wants the perfect situation, which is a two-parent household, married, and skating off into the sunset. I had the ideal situation for my other children but things did not work out. He was married and things did not work out nor did they have children together.

And it’s not like he does not spend time with my kids either. I never asked him to meet my kids, come around my kids, or any of the above (he took those steps on his own). He sent mixed messages about his position on my kids. Although, he maintained, out of his mouth, that my situation was not idea for him. In sum, he wanted me not my kids.

His advice to me was to stop being a saint. It’s not that big of deal (i.e. getting an abortion). And if I want to be a saint: 1) don’t have sex until marriage (I tried but went to college), 2) don’t send my kids to school (I thought about it but cost of living is too high), 3) don’t get piercings (my father got my ears pierced), 4) don’t speed (that’s a hard one), 5) don’t curse (I do but hardly), and whatever else he said. Is that what saints do?

Um…I do not know about this one.

Baby No.3

One week I am being bitten on the nose by my B-Diddy.  And the next week I find out that I am pregnant for someone else. WTH!?

The guy is like forty and doesn’t want any more kids. Although, he manages to skeet everywhere. This sucks major booty.  He has three virtually grown kids and I have two primary age girls. This is a match for disaster because he’s 14 years my senior. So about a week ago, I tell him that I am pregnant. Not surprisingly, he runs. He packs all his crap (so, he kinda had clothes, crap, and car at my house) and gives me a dose of  “left alone.”

As the play book goes, I now reconsider my decision to keep Baby No.3. Now-a-days I do not want him nor do I want a new baby. The only contradicting thing about it all is that I am kinda pro-choice. Let me stop lying. I do not hate on people that choose to abort because having children is a HUGE decision. However, I am kinda pro-life too.

I want Baby No.3 but he makes it very clear he does not. Amazingly, I am good enough for everything else but a commitment and child bearing. The excuse is that I have two kids already and he is past that phase in his life–unless married. “Go figure?”

After a hellish week, I schedule an appointment with a clinic a billion miles away. The appointment is tomorrow but I do not want to go through with it. I would rather have the 3 kids and 2 kids’ fathers than to regret something for the rest of my life. But maybe I just being too emotional.